Kanye West: ‘Kim is the most beautiful woman of all time… of human existence’

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Here are some new photos of Kim in “skinny jeans” yesterday in NYC. I don’t get why any woman would wear white skinny jeans, much less a woman built like Kim. White jeans are not your friend, Kim! Anyway, in case you missed it, Kim Kardashian DID respond to Seth Rogen and James Franco’s epic and amazing spoof music video for “Bound 2”. As I said yesterday, Kanye West’s original music video already looked, felt, tasted and smelled like a spoof, but Franco and Rogen took it to the next level. Anyway, Kim was pretty classy about it, tweeting “You nailed it!!! Sooo funny” at Seth’s Twitter. He responded with “Thanks! Some of those positions were really uncomfortable. That s–t is harder than it looks.” Kim also tweeted (again, at Seth): “Kanye says what’s up! He loves u guys! He laughed so hard at this.” I really hope Kanye did laugh. I really hope Kanye isn’t going to spend the next ten months ranting about Seth and James. #nodisrespecttoBenAffleck

As for out now-daily “Today In Yeezus Rants” segment, here’s what Kanye’s been ranting about lately:

*Kanye thinks Kim Kardashian is the most beautiful OF ALL TIME, saying: “Okay, ladies and gentlemen. All barber shops, fashion designers, architects, corner stores, Wall Street, all over the world: Y’all acting like this ain’t the most beautiful woman of all time! I’m talkin’, like, arguably of human existence — the top 10 of human existence. I loved her from the first day I saw her, which I said on ‘Bound’…I remember seeing pictures of her and Paris Hilton in Australia, and I came to Don C., and I was like, ‘Man, have you ever seen Kim Kardishawn? What’s up with Kim Kardishawn?’”

*A love story for the ages: “Our love story’s a love story for the ages. I felt like when we first got together, it was like a Romeo and Juliet kind of thing, where it’s like, she’s a reality star and I’m a rapper, and people talk about how our brands connect and what doesn’t fit. And I’m just so tired of the conversation of brands. Why don’t we start the conversation with love? Why don’t we start the conversation with God? Why don’t we start this conversation with family? It’s not about branding at a certain point.”

*Nike wouldn’t give him royalties: “I said I need royalties. Nike told me, ‘We can’t give you a royalty because you’re not a professional athlete.’ I told them, ‘I go to the Garden and play one on no one. I’m a performance athlete.’ The old me, without a daughter, might have taken the Nike deal, ’cause I just love Nike so much. But the new me, with a daughter, takes the Adidas deal, because I have royalties and I have to provide for my family.”

*Yeezus = Walt Disney: “I’m just a creative. I’m more like, a Walt Disney or something. Like, rap is just a chamber of my thoughts. It’s something that I really wanted to express as a modern-day poet, because you know, if I had lived in a past lifetime, maybe I would have been a playwright or something. But in this lifetime, to be the most heard and the most relevant, the most relevant is to be a rap rock star. You can express at the highest level there.”

*He’s like other people too: “I’m like Howard Hughes! I’m like [NBA commissioner] David Stern! I’m like Steve Jobs! If anything, that’s a compliment to them! I’m like Michelangelo. Because I’m the new version of that.”

*Kim is Marilyn Monroe: “Kate Upton ain’t Marilyn Monroe! Kim Marilyn Monroe [sic]! She was controversial. She controversial [sic]. This is a reality. I’m living inside of a dream world.”

[Via Us Weekly & Radar]

You guys, I’m telling you. Kanye is going Full Gaga. He’s just doing lines and calling up radio shows and saying the most bizarre shiz, whatever pops into his head. “Imma tell you, I’m like acid-trip Walt Disney because, Walt was like Tupac, he was my man, rapper fairy dust yo, creative genius I AM THE SOCRATES OF ADIDAS, like, Dior Homme me motherf—ker and then we get into Jackson Pollack was my man because like I PAINT WITH WORDS and thoughts and this rainbow, can you see this sparkling rainbow? It’s in my mind’s eye, like I’m Jamie Diamond Elton John and Rene Descartes man. You don’t even know how I’m the 21st century version of the Madness of King George, like let’s get all Charles Lindbergh up in here.”

That being said, I did think that stuff about Kim was sweet. Of course we all think she’s a kat-faced famewhore, but don’t you want your man to talk about how beautiful you are?

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Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Kanye West bumps his head on a sign, then freaks out on a paparazzo

Kanye West was ATTACKED! By a sign! Yes, he was mercilessly assaulted by a “Wrong Way” sign that was part of some parking garage or something. Kanye was with Kim on Friday, checking out some real estate and then going for lunch. According to TMZ, Kanye was attempting to “duck his head” to avoid getting his picture taken but he missed the low “Wrong Way” sign and smacked his head into it. It left a mark!!!

Do you see the mark? It’s just a little boo-boo on his forehead. There’s video too!

At first Kanye got mad at one of the paps but then he seems to walk away. But then this happened (NSFW language):

Dude. People walk into things all the time. I still have a small scar on my nose from the day that my car trunk door decided to fall on me when I was loading groceries. I still have a scar on my leg from when I was 8 years old and I accidentally slammed a sharpened pencil into my leg. I’ve fallen going UP the stairs. My point? Having a hissy fit about it doesn’t make it any better. Just be thankful you weren’t seriously injured and laugh at yourself. But of course Kanye cannot do that.

…On the bright side, at least we aren’t talking about what Kim is wearing.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Kim Kardashian: ‘I think it’s a little bully-ish to call a pregnant woman fat’

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Here are some photos of Kim Kardashian leaving her Beverly Hills home yesterday. She was on her way to The Tonight Show, where she was allegedly promoting her part inTyler Perry’s Temptation. Quick: who are the stars of Temptation? Right? I don’t really despise what she’s wearing here… I mean, it’s not flattering, it’s too short and she looks ridiculous, but it’s not as bad as the other stuff she’s worn this week.

You know that Kim has worn a few pieces of Chanel during her pregnancy, right? Well, Karl Lagerfeld was asked about Kim during a recent interview, and Karl was actually sort-of nice about it. He said: “It’s very pretentious to say ‘I don’t want to see this on that person, etc.’ Everybody is allowed to buy it, to enjoy it. I’m not there as a fashion judge, I’m there as a designer.” Which is as nice as Karl Lagerfeld gets, truly. He didn’t call Kim names, he’s just like “Well, anybody can buy the clothes, whatever.”

As for Kim’s Tonight Show appearance… I’m including the videos below. Kim’s girlie-stripper voice annoys me, but the interview isn’t terrible. Kim admits that herpregnancy was “a pleasant surprise… it wasn’t really planned.” As for baby names, she says: “We have a list. And some of them are ‘K’ names some of them aren’t. North is not on our list… but you know what name I do like – but it probably won’t be on [our list]… I like Easton – Easton West – I think that’s cute.” In Part II, Kim talks about her weight and the media and how she doesn’t appreciate being called “fat”.

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Kim Kardashian & Kanye West plan to buy homes in Miami, Paris & NYC

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are still in Rio for Carnivale, as Bedhead linked to yesterday. I believe that various Brazilian companies and sponsors pay for some celebrities to come to Carnivale every year – one year it was Gerard Butler (who was swimming in Brazilian ladies) and last year it was Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart. This year it’s Kim Kardashian, Kanye West and Will Smith. But Kim and ‘Ye aren’t just spending their vacation partying. No, they’re also checking out real estate because why not? TMZ reports that Kim and Ye want to buy property in Brazil… and Paris… and NYC… and Miami. Because of course.

An $11,000,000 mansion in Bel Air might be enough for some people, but not Kim Kardashian and Kanye West … because TMZ has learned they have their sights set on buying THREE other multi-million dollar mansions across the globe.

As TMZ first reported, KK and KW plunked down a huge chunk of change to build a 14,000-square-foot pad in an über-private, gated community in Bel Air, CA.

But sources close to the couple tell TMZ they aren’t stopping there. We’re told they plan to buy homes in New York, Miami and Paris too — and, no it’s not a coincidence those are all centers of the fashion industry. Also, the Kardashians have DASH stores in all, but Paris.

Kim and Kanye have been in Brazil the last few days, and there are rumors they’re looking to scoop up a home there too — but we’re told that wasn’t the plan … they were just meeting an architect they might hire for their Bel Air pad.

However, our sources say the Brazil trip has been so enjoyable … they’re now open to buying a place there too.

Must be nice.

[From TMZ]

If you had crazy money and not much of a career, where would you choose to live? Like, do you ever watch House Hunters International and some faraway place comes up and you’re like OMG YES? There are some really amazing islands in the South Pacific where I would want to live. Where else? Hm… London. I would like to live in London for a few years (if I had a crazy amount of money). Savannah, Georgia would be a beautiful place to live too. So it’s a good thing I’m not super-rich, because obviously I would be buying up real estate in Savannah, London and the South Pacific.

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Kris Jenner’s ex left journals detailing how Kris abused Kim, left kids for days

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It’s not surprising to hear that Kris Jenner is not the best mom. What is surprising to me is how sh*tty a mom she really was, if the handwritten journals from her deceased ex husband, attorney Robert Kardashian, are accurate. (And they probably are.) Robert Kardashian’s widow, Ellen, handed over (sold) her late husband’s diaries to In Touch Weekly, which has some of his more salacious claims for us. In the entries, Robert claims that Kris had an incident in which she was “kicking and beating Kim” and threatened to kill her! The time frame they give is 1989 and 1990, which would have made Kim just 9 or 10 years old! This story would be slightly more understandable if Kim was a teenager and was giving her mother hell or something, but she was just a little kid! That’s despicable. What’s more is that Kris would allegedly leave her then four kids for days. Her youngest at the time was Rob, who was just 2 or 3. I get that Kris’ kids were with their dad and that she probably had plenty of paid help, but still who does that? She supposedly didn’t even leave a number where her ex husband could reach her. Kris was too busy screwing that young guy she happily admitted cheating on her then-husband with. (Remember that? It was a whole plot point for her stupid memoir.) Here’s more:

In Touch has exclusively obtained the late Robert Kardashian’s handwritten journals from his widow, Ellen Kardashian. In the journal entries, dated throughout 1989 and 1990, Robert paints a heartbreaking childhood portrait of Kim, Kourtney and Khloé and a damning picture of mom Kris Jenner. “Kris was kicking and beating her and said she was going to kill [Kim]!” Robert claimed in his diary on Aug. 24, 1989. “Kim was hysterical.” That’s just one of the shocking incidents the lawyer, who died of esophageal cancer in 2003, recorded in his journal at the time his 12-year marriage to Kris was imploding.

Robert goes on to detail Kris’ alleged affair with younger soccer player Todd Waterman, claiming Kris left her kids — all under the age of 11— for days at a time. “She doesn’t leave a number in case of emergency. She doesn’t care!” he wrote on Dec. 15, 1989. “She left [the] kids and screwed all night!” Only 10 days after that entry, Robert chronicled that “Kris couldn’t get her act together” to spend Christmas with her children, “I was home alone with 4 kids.”

Robert’s widow, Ellen, confirms the authenticity of the journals, telling In Touch, “These are authentic handwritten journals I have shared, that my late husband Robert Kardashian so carefully wrote during 1989 and 1990 at a most trying and touching time of his life. They are my personal possessions and he left them to me on his passing.”

For more shocking allegations from Robert’s diaries and photos of his actual entries, pick up this week’s issue of In Touch, on newsstands now!

[From In Touch]

This reminds me that the guy Kris was cheating with, Todd Waterman, did an interview with In Touch last year in which he said that Kris ruined her daughters by being completely superficial and instilling those values in them. He also admitted that Kris was his sugar mama and that she paid for everything. (With her husband’s money.) So here we have two people who knew Kris back then who are claiming she was a lousy mother, as if we needed more evidence. Kris went on to of course have two more kids with her next and current husband, Bruce Jenner. All the more to pimp out once the time came for her hard-fought fame. I just hope that the abusive incident with little Kim was a one-off.

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Kim Kardashian to learn about the Middle East in between milkshake appearances

I was pleasantly surprised when most of you gave Kim Kardashian the benefit of the doubt in yesterday’s post about her Israeli-Palestinian tweets. While Kim is definitely dumb and a famewhore, I really don’t think she was tweeting her “prayers” out of nastiness or anything. She’s ignorant, but she’s not malicious. Well, now Kim is trying to rectify the situation! She’s going to be in Kuwait and Bahrain soon (she’s promoting her milkshake line, for real), and “sources” tell TMZ that Kim wants to “educate herself” on the Middle East. In between appearances for Millions of Milkshakes!

Kim Kardashian is about to embark on a whirlwind trip to Kuwait and Bahrain … and TMZ has learned she’s hoping to educate herself on the Middle East crisis while she’s in town.

Sources close to Kim tell us … KK initially agreed to the trip to make appearances at some Millions of Milkshakes shops opening in the two countries.

But after her recent Twitter controversy — centered around the Israeli-Palestinian conflict — Kim is telling friends she’s determined to use the trip to educate herself about the political situation in the region.

As one source puts it, “Kim wants to be as informed as possible … so she can use her celebrity to help those in need and raise awareness about important issues in the area.”

We’re told Kim — who will be under the constant protection of a private securitysquad — has already set up meetings in both countries with local leaders.

Kim Kardashian — putting the ass in ambassador.

[From TMZ]

I don’t have any problem with Kim – or any dumb famewhore – humbly admitting that they don’t know anything about anything and that they are actively seeking to be educated on some complicated matter. I consider “incuriousness” one of the greatestsins of all, and simply seeking out education is something that should always be applauded. So, what’s the problem? This part: “Kim wants to be as informed as possible … so she can use her celebrity to help those in need and raise awareness about important issues in the area.” Girl, know your limits. You are not the Secretary of State: Famewhore Division. You are not even Angelina Jolie – someone who has been educating herself on complicated international issues for more than a decade, and who still makes mistakes and still feels the need to prove herself in that arena. Don’t fly into Bahrain for an appearance with some milkshakes and expect to come out of there like Colin Powell Kardashian.

These are pics of Kim (and a particularly Khloe-looking Kourtney) in Miami yesterday, where they received the “keys to the city” at North Miami City Hall. Ugh!

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

 

Will Kim Kardashian announce her engagement after her divorce comes through?

Here are some additional photos from the Angel Ball earlier this week – see, Kanye West does smile (occasionally!) when he’s with Kim Kardashian. PROOF. Do you want further proof that Kim and Kanye are FOR REAL? I can’t believe some of you can’t accept it. I believe Kanye and Kim are a more authentic (as in, “authentically together” or “a love match”) than Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. I know that’s a low bar to set, but I’m just sayin’. Kanye and Kim are really together. He doesn’t need to be with her – he wants to be with her.

Anyway, the proof! Well, as I mentioned in yesterday’s post, Kim has been wearing a huge diamond ring on her pinky finger ever since she and Kanye got back from Rome. He took her to Rome to celebrate her 32nd birthday (proof!), and maybe he proposed to her? Maybe. Probably? Could be.

ENGAGED! Kim Kardashian may not be legally divorced from Kim Humphries, but if her new 10 carat diamond ring is any indication, she’s ready to marry rapper boyfriend Kanye West! Kim was spotted shopping at Christian Louboutin on Oct. 24, wearing a HUGE diamond ring on her pinky finger — a gift allegedly given to her for her 32nd birthday on Oct. 21!

Kanye reportedly proposed to the reality star over the weekend, according to MediaTakeOut. Since Kim is not divorced from Kris yet, Kanye allegedly told Kim to wear the ring on her pinky finger until her divorce is finalized. Once her divorce IS finalized, Kanye will reportedly resize the ring to fit her correct finger.

An earlier report suggests that Kim and Kanye are planning a $20 million wedding that will include three dresses for Kim, a performance by Celine Dion or Beyonce, and a wedding planner that will cost $500,000!

[From Hollywood Life]

Yeah, I know that reports from Hollywood Life, Media Takeout and The Enquirer don’t amount to much, but even then… I wouldn’t be surprised if it was true. Speaking of, the Enquirer has a lengthy story about how Kim no longer wants to use a surrogate to have Kanye’s babies – she’s now prepared to let him get that ass pregnant. And apparently Kanye is into too, because he loves Kim’s thick figure, and he knows she’ll gain a lot of weight during a pregnancy, so he’s ALL ABOUT IT. The Enquirer is basically saying that Kim and Kanye are on the same page with an engagement, wedding, babies and everything, but they’re going to wait to announce everything until after Kim’s divorce is finally finalized. Proof!

By the way, this is my new favorite photo: