Jennifer Aniston is HAPPY. Doesn’t she look happy? Don’t you believe she’s happy? Don’t you believe that she never, ever thinks about Brad Pitt ever, or do you need her to mention his name in an interview and talk about how she’s over him? She’s HAPPY. And everything else to the contrary is just a coincidence, a dirty, homewrecking coincidence perpetuated by The Leg and Heidi Bivens. Anyway, in that vein, Star Maghas two stories about Jennifer and how happy she is. These are the tabloid equivalent of a forced smile, but whatever. I’ll take ‘em.
The first story is just a little blurb about Aniston being obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey (eh), and how she and Justin Theroux are “trying for a baby” by finding inspiration in that horrible book. A source says, “They’ve acted out some of the scenes. They’re at it like crazy, and she said they’ve been having wild fun with feathers and blindfolds and dirty talk.” I like to imagine that she makes him wear the feathers. And then there’s this:
Jennifer Aniston can’t stop beaming! She was grinning ear-to-ear on the set of We’re The Millers, and she was flashing a dazzling smile at Justin Theroux while on a romantic date at the Chateau Marmont a few weeks later. Of course, the reason for her through-the-roof mood elevation isn’t just because of her engagement to Justin – it’s also because she finally feels she’s over Brad Pitt,
“Jen still can’t believe such an amazing relationship has finally come her way,” says a friend. “She really wasn’t expecting to fall in love, and it took her by surprise.”
Jen has tried to forget Brad over the past seven years, but friends say their tumultuous relationship still weighed heavily on her… until recently.
“She used to think about Brad all the time,” the insider confirms. “But these days, he barely crosses her mind. It’s like, ever since she met Justin, she has really finally started to get over Brad and what happened in their marriage.”
Jen even wrote Brad a note, telling him she has forgiven him for the past and hopes they can be friends… she doesn’t hold any grudges against him and Angelina. She’s only looking forward to her future with Justin.”
Jennifer and Justin share “incredible physical chemistry” according to sources and “Jen’s been bragging about Justin’s impressive equipment and says he’s the most sensual, erotic man she’s ever dated. She says Justin is way better in bed than Brad!”
“Justin makes her feel special and treats her like a queen… she definitely wears the pants in the relationship, and Justin is happy to let her have her way. He does everything he can to keep her smiling. Jen always says how ‘authentic’ Justin is. She truly admires him.”
“Jen thinks Justin will be an amazing father. But she’s telling friends she wants them to get married before they start a family. It’s like she’s starting her life all over again with Justin. Jen has never been so happy!”
[From Star Magazine, print edition]
Sigh… I remember tabloid stories about Aniston bragging that Vince Vaughn was better in bed than Brad. Then it was that rent-a-date model dude. And then some other guys, and then John Mayer. There were others. Each time she got a new boyfriend, magically a tabloid story would appear about how “hot” the sex was compared to boring old Brad. I mean, it’s an obvious coping mechanism if it wasn’t so petty and dumb, especially seven years out. But sure, happy, happy, happy. She’s never felt like this before. He treats her like a queen! She doesn’t even think about Brad anymore and that’s why she compares every man she’s with TO Brad! She even allegedly wrote Brad a note saying that she finally, seven years later, FORGIVES him. Star is making it like she’s Mother Teresa with tweaked nipples and a copy of 50 Shades. Ugh.